I'm back!

Isn't it funny the way you start a blog and a whole year runs without you noticing it? Since my last post (over a year ago), I've been thinking on what my next post will be about. Should I talk about:

*the drastic changes in my life?
*my shocking realisation of the large divide between the developed countries and the under-developed (like mine - Nigeria)?
*my exploits with Linux and OSS?
*the unique twist in my career?
*how technology is helping and damaging us?
*lessons I've learnt and my teachers?
*my daily experience as a Nigerian - my struggles and triumphs?
*my Christian faith & walk with Jesus?
*my innate quest for a sense of purpose?

I honestly don't know where to start from but, as with my older posts, there will be something to learn (sometimes amusing) from the thoughts I share. The only difference is that my posts will be short and will encourage your feedback cos I really don't have all the answers.

It's time to start punching on my rooted Nook Color...

Chocolate and Plantain gurls

::: An Interesting Perspective of Proverbs 31:10-31 :::

Let me guess, you are a little startled at this topic. I also am. Please have this chocolate bar (Bounty is my favourite) and plantain. Feel free to eat any of them as you read on.

One day, while musing about the different kind of females I had met, I had an epiphany. I discovered that they could be classified into two broad categories: chocolate and plantain. You may be thinking to yourself, “Big deal! Na today? Who no know? Fisayo, chocolate girls are all out, use cover-up, blah, blah ...; and plantain girls are the exact opposite. In fact most 'SU' girls are plantain girls!” Well, you are not entirely correct. Most plantain girls dress well and there are scores of chocolate girls in church. Yes, I said church. So what is my point?

Before I go on, I will like to point out that this is not about marriage (what do I know about marriage?) or dating relationships. Call it an exposition if you will. I have shared these thoughts with a couple of my friends and they think the points are amusing, yet valid enough to develop healthy relationships. Truthfully, our biblical text may not fit exactly since it talks about a wife, however, it will give us insight about a type of females. After all, the wife was once a chocolate (or plantain?) babe. You may want to bring out your bible now, let's find out.

I take that you read that passage. Pro 31:30 tells us that “Charm is deceptive, and beauty evaporates ...”(GodsWord). With that in mind, it will be out of place to try to understand the differences between these ladies based on outward attributes. I will make my comparison based on a few intrinsic qualities and the value added to our lives. People have varying perspectives about value: finance, spiritual, emotional, relationship, intellectual, etc. The underlying belief is that something with a lasting positive effect is added in the long run. I ask that God will “open the eyes of your heart” as we look at those qualities (Amen).

Dignity {vs 25}

“Strength and dignity are her clothing, ...”(NRSV).

Dignity is a sense of your own importance and value. From afar, the chocolate girl looks very confident. Get closer and you will see her low self worth. She keeps working on the outside to get approval. She is a compulsive user of cover-up (excessive make-up); goes to those expensive outings almost every time; must be at celebrity gatherings; must have expensive cell phones she will never use (why buy an iphone and use it just to make calls and send SMS?); tries to look so much like video girls and then wonder why her bride price is negotiated; buys almost everything she sees on FashionTV and never uses the toilet! I bet you can add more to that list. If she has the financial base to maintain this lifestyle, thanks to daddy(ies) or bobos, she will get haughty and live in the illusion that she is of a class. The moment she is stripped of her glamorous artificial wrapper, her weak and malleable core is exposed.

The funny thing is that the plantain girl has many of the material things the chocolate girl has, along with a healthy high self-esteem. She deeply appreciates herself and really doesn't need approval from other people. Just relate with her and you will sense the confidence she exudes. On some days, she may use make-up (many do), dress gorgeously and eat at luxury restaurants; and on other days, maybe plait her hair, wear plain clothing and eat at White House after shopping at Tejuosho market. She is very natural and happy with herself because her sense of worth is not from these outward things. In fact she's more beautiful and fresher on the inside. Just peel plantain and you will understand my point. If you are ready to grow up, a plantain girl will add this value to your life. By her actions, she will make you realize that you were created by the Almighty God for a divine task; and that should be the standard you measure yourself with.

Idleness {vs 13,15-22, 24}

Do you know that plantain is always working? Even if you leave plantain on the floor in your kitchen, it is absorbing things from the atmosphere and releasing freshness into it. Our plantain girl is very much like this. She is always productive, rightly (I said rightly o!) using what she has to get what she needs and leaves extra for others. In fact, “she wakes up while it is still dark and gives food to her family and portions of food to her female slaves” and “... does not eat the bread of idleness”(vs 15, 27 GodsWord). You can't be around her and be idle. She constantly applies herself to personal development and service, and usually makes money in the process.

What does our chocolate girl do? Permit me to illustrate.

Me: “Wassup choco? What are your plans for today?”

Choco: “Well, I'm going to the movies with Emchee (Mgbechikwere). Before then I want to check out the latest at Mary Kay. Oh, I just remembered, I want some chicken and chips for breakfast. Can you help me to ...”

Me: “Sorry to cut you short. You do these things everyday. I was thinking we could go and get some ...”

Choco: “Are you serious? Some DVDs to watch? You are a darling! That's why you are still my friend.”

Me: “Actually, I wanted to say self-help books.”

Choco: “Duh! That is so lame. I don't do stuff like that!”

You get my point, don't you? The chocolate girl may not necessary be idle. She has a lot of activity but her life is not producing anything valuable, except if your idea of life is fun 24/7.

Value Attraction {vs 14}

“She is like the trading-ships, getting food from far away.”(BBE).

Have you taken time to think about what you can take with chocolate? Well, let me help you, ice cream. Do you know of any other thing? If you don't, let's go on. What is the nutritional value of ice cream? It's made basically from milk fat. Is milk fat healthy? Ask a dietician and you just may see how much good a chocolate girl will ever attract to you.

Now, what can you take with plantain? Cassa Granules (Garri), Rice, Beans, Potato, Pounded Yam (it's a lovely combination), etc. You can see for yourself how much value plantain can attract to you. Because she is in your life, some things will just come to you naturally and these things will add different kinds to positive things to you. Bottom line, the plantain girl in herself may not have all the good you need but she definitely will attract all the good you need. What you do with that good is your cup of tea. After all, she's not your baby-sitter!

Wisdom {vs 26}

“She speaks with wisdom, and on her tongue there is tender instruction.”(GodsWord).

At some point in our existence, we all need advice, quality advice that is based on wisdom. Lets look at finance. Everybody knows that there is a global economic recession. Our choco girl also knows but this is her advice: “Fisayo, this is your chance to buy all those gadgets you've always wanted. Prices are crashing everywhere. You finally get a chance to buy me something really nice for my birthday. Don't bother about saving for the dark days, because they won't come. President Obama is about to sign the largest economic bailout in American history - $700-billion. Why don't you even take a trip to cool off all the pressure...” If you can discern the wisdom in her advice, please mail it to me.

Our plantain girl has another take on this. She says, “Fisayo, you need to cut down on your excessive spending. I'm optimistic that things will get better but you must have a back-up plan during these hard times. You're good at doing this, this and this. Have you considered trying to make money off any of them? Do you really need that new laptop or broadband internet? I got this financial tip from Rice, you know he's good with drought-like situations, do you want to try it out?” Now that's what I call advice. Her advice on relationships is also very sound. Since plantain is always in a bunch, she understands the potential of relationship and the rules of harmonious co-existence.

Adaption to Change {vs 25}

“...she is facing the future with a smile”(BBE).

Bad things happen in life, get used to it. God's promise to us is that He will be with us through the tough times. A plantain girl is fully aware of that. In fact, she blossoms in the midst of challenges. When she is in the oil-fired trials of life she will produce dodo; on the hot coals of uncertainty she will be bole; and in the midst of the boiling waters of disappointment, she gives her most nutritious form: ogede sise (boiled plantain).

Our chocolate girl, on the other hand, is best served chilled. Everything must be going well - the A/C must be working; shopping must not stop; she barely manages 212 Sexy, Bulgari Jasmin Noir, Elizabeth Arden or Red Door; DSTV must be up and running; “Don't flash me. If you don't have credit, don't call!”; “...is that your car or a taxi?” Come on sisters, help a JJC brother to complete that list. Even in ordinary sunlight, a chocolate girl will disintegrate.

Perpetuity {vs 11-12, 28-29}

If you plant plantain, you will get more. Likewise, when a plantain woman is cultivated in the heart of a man who loves and understands her, she will multiply in value. The multiplied effect of that value will be seen in whatever the man or herself is a progenitor of. No wonder people say that behind every successful man is a plantain woman. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for a chocolate woman. Just plant her and you just may end up with non-biodegradable waste that will contaminate the man's heart, resulting in very low productivity over time. Did I mention that she doesn't have a life of her own?

Well, this is just theory, I just may be wrong since I don't know much about marriage :).

Faith {vs 30}

“... a woman who has the fear of the LORD should be praised.” (GodsWord).

It seems like the plantain girl has a lot going for her. What her secret? A plantain girl genuinely respects God. She doesn't play church or religion. Her devotion to her Creator guides her actions in many ways than one. I think it's because she tapped a lot from the stem she was attached to before she was plucked. Jesus says it all: “I am the vine. You are the branches. Those who live in me while I live in them will produce a lot of fruit. But you can't produce anything without me.” (John 15:5, GodsWord).

Now, since chocolate is a man-made combination of natural extracts, she doesn't have the life of God. She is relegated to playing church; and involving in religious activities is her perception of devotion. You really cannot expect much from her in this area and it's not her fault.

So, what is your choice? I am sure that many guys will readily want to go for the plantain girl described in our passage. Let me whisper where plantain girls are. Come a little closer, it's a family secret. They are everywhere. The real issue is if you are able to identify them. Just like a child will prefer chocolate to plantain, we (I inclusive) probably have too many chocolate girls as friends because of our relative ignorance and level of maturity. I mean, who wants the added responsibility of peeling, slicing and cooking when we can just unwrap, chop and forget. In fact, I can almost swear that you have finished the chocolate I gave you when you started to read this article, while the plantain is intact. We seriously need God (through His Spirit and Word) to guide us everyday as we meet people because visiting the dentist and having to drink agbo-jedi at the same time is not God's idea of an abundant life (John 10:10).

What if Adam chose Scrappie?

One sunny afternoon, I decided to do a photo shoot with Scrappie, our female Fox Terrier. That's the kind of thing you do when your brother is a professional photographer and you are relatively jobless! Anyway, I took this picture and I thought to myself, “Thank God Adam didn't choose a dog.”

OK. So I am not making sense? Let's read Gen 2:18-23. This passage is popularly used for marriages but there's another perspective to this story. In the passage, God admitted that there was a need in Adam's life (vs 18), He initiated the process of provision (vs 19-22), a process He goes through with us many times, and Adam confirmed that God met his need (vs 24). Before we go on, it is important to note that God may give us tasks that may not immediately tend towards a solution of our problems. I will need you to open your heart and read the passage thoroughly before we go on unless I won't make sense at all.

Now that you have read the passage, please answer this simple question: “What was God's initial solution to Adam's helpmate puzzle?” Did you say Eve? Well you're wrong! Verse 19 tells us that “the LORD God [had] formed all the wild animals and all the birds out of the ground. Then He (God) brought them to the man to see what he would call them. Whatever the man called each creature became its name.” It is obvious to see that God initially created the animals to be Adam's helpmate but surprisingly, Adam didn'tchoose one among them?

Now think of it, animals really do help us. Cows are used for farming; horses, donkeys and camels for transportation; goats ensured that I didn't always have to cut grass in a village I lived in; imagine eggs without chickens; dogs are used for security; without mosquitoes, pharmacists will go bankrupt in Nigeria; monkeys entertain us; I can go on and on. Let's look at the dogs? That is my favourite. Ever wondered why they are called man's best friend? They are simply wonderful and have quite a lot of similarities with women. These are the few I can remember right now:

• both love attention and respond positively to love;
• they can be very territorial;
• they can be very affectionate regardless of how you treat them. I'm not so sure if this applies to women (just kidding);
• they know how to make you feel guilty for not doing what you were NOT supposed to do in the first place (don't ask how I know)
  

Despite these striking similarities, why didn't Adam choose a dog or any other animal as his helpmate? It is simply because none of the animals could match up with the longings of his heart. Many of us have deep desires in our heart and many times we ask for things that we think will meet those needs. Let me explain. If you say that you need a Blackberry device, deep within yourself what you may actually be asking for is a good phone - one with a keypad, that can handle music pretty well and can manage emails effectively. There are many alternatives do deal with your “phone” desire. You probably think the Blackberry is your dream device because you have seen it around with people and there's a lot of media hype. If you can identify the desire behind every request you make, you will see that there are many ways of dealing with them.

There are, however, some desires that are much deeper than that. For those desires, usually there's nothing that you can see or probably have heard of that may match with them. You don't even have a map to this destination. This was exactly the kind of thing that Adam was faced with. He was in the best environment that ever existed (you think your desires will be met in developed countries? Think again). God personally brought every living thing that He had created to him (you think your issue is lack of resources? You may be wrong) but still Adam didn't see a connection with the description in his heart, so he called them dogs, chimpanzees, snakes, spiders, locusts, snails, donkeys, eagles, chickens, pigs, etc; but none was called Woman. One thing is for sure, women are very special. Have you noticed that the bible didn't mention that God rested after He created them?

Now can you imagine if Adam was like many people of our time? What would have happened if Adam decided to give up on that desire and settle for something else – what if he chose Scrappie instead of Eve? Seriously, how would our world have been if Adam settled for dogs? He wouldn't have been blamed? There was nothing in existence at that time that fitted the profile of a Woman so he would have been justified. Here's one for you. In weddings, our priests would have been forced to say something like “You may now kiss the bitch”. My picture above would have been one of the most romantic scenes on TV. The best way to have said “I love you” may have been “Ewn … Ruff! Ruff!!” This is getting more disgusting, isn't it?

What about your own picture? Is it really fantastic? Are you sure that you're not settling for less because nothing in existence seems to suffice? It's not bad to manage as long as you know that you've not hit your mark. Just like Adam's choice has forever affected humanity (and God's rest :) ), yours is also full of impact. I dare say that the deepest longings of our heart – especially those that we have tried to shake off without success – are directly from God and He's the only one that has the roadmap to success in those areas of our lives. We may eventually settle for less but just like a dog would never have been it, that other thing (or things) will leave us frustrated on the long run.

How did Adam go about it? What did he do to accomplish that great desire? Verse 21 gives us that answer. He did nothing, right? Wrong! He did something, he slept! We see that God put him to sleep. Sleep is a state of quietness. When you're deeply asleep, you cannot respond to external stimuli. In other words, Adam was still, he was in a state of absolute surrender. In that state, God was able to remove one of his ribs and divinely construct the physical manifestation of Adam's deepest desire – one that all normal men will forever adore, a masterpiece of all time, a reflection of God's extra touch, the finished product of Adam's creativity – the Woman. The bible records in vs 23 that Adam said “This is NOW bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She will be named woman because she was taken from man.” How did Adam know that she was taken out of him? It is not necessarily because his rib was removed, it was because he had her image in his heart all the while. Like Adam, you will have to look inwards and to God for the satisfaction of your deepest longings.

I am convinced that God was teaching Adam a very important lesson in life – that we are co-creators with the Almighty. Gen 1:26 tells us that we are created in God's image and likeness. Fortunately we only have to surrender absolutely to God for Him to complete His work in us. Surrender? Who likes that word? It's quite hard because we think God will want us to do some ridiculous things. But on what precedence in the bible do we base these erroneous beliefs? Or is it from stories that we have heard, most of which can't be verified? Could it be because of Jesus' suffering – the suffering that was meant to restore us to the relationship Adam initially had with God? Why would God want to work against a longing He has embedded within you especially since He knows the importance and the number of lives tied to it? Did you notice that Adam never told God that he (Adam) wanted a helpmate? God simply removed the blueprint in Adam's heart and created it because He “...is able to do in full measure more than all our desires or thoughts, through the power which is working in us.” (Ephesians 3:20, BBE)

Perhaps, your case is that you have tried to surrender but it's not working. I'm excited because God put Adam to sleep and not that Adam took Valium 5 and knocked off. God is the one that helps us to surrender not us. Self will cannot do it. Remember that it is God that works on the inside of us to do His will (Phi 2:13). It's a process but it gets better day by day. I don't know about you but if God was faithful enough to give Adam Eve, I don't think that He will give me a chimpanzee, feel me? So what's it gonna be: Eve or Scrappie?